Updated: Apr 19, 2020
I asked because, desires of my heart and all, and He said no. I’ve been moping around trying to decide the way I will handle it. My Jesus Girl says, in her best southern sweet drawl, that I am, “So blessed that I should be ashamed of mahself to ask for more.” Of course Princess Guinevere thinks I obviously, should be granted my every last wish. Clearly I am deserving over all the others in the land. evil says that He always tells me no and that I should definitely take matters into my own hands. it offers many suggestions as to how I should go about this complete and utter world domination which I am totally capable of. These entities take turns with all the new ideas of how to do the next hour of life.
They are all dead wrong.
But the feels are real nonetheless. So I turn to the answers in the Book of Life, because Jesus Girl isn’t always wrong and that’s where we turn when we are spinning and spinning and spinning. This isn’t the first time I’ve been here and I’ve handled disappointment with all of the ideas above and so many more.
You guys, SO many more.
The Google offered this tidbit of wisdom-keep doing all the right things even if your heart is in the wrong place. Or something like that. Apparently, this protects from a total takeover of the dark side, like griping to a friend who really doesn’t need your drama or eating 2 whole cups of cookie dough icing from GiGi’s with a day old donut and feeling worse than a bug on a windshield after I’m done. (Ask me how I know.) There is a right way to go on with this situation though, and the only place that tells me the truth is the Big Book. WHAT?! Princess G & J Girl aren’t telling the whole truth?? (Hands to face mouth open in horror emoji). And so I go.
Count it all joy…nope, not yet.
“Lord, the God of our ancestors, are you not the God who is in heaven? You rule over all the kingdoms of the nations. Power and might are in your hand, and no one can withstand you. 2 Chronicles 20:6 NIV
Now we’re talking. This is THE God we’re talking about here so He can handle the truth, even if it’s only what I believe to be true in this moment. He can take it if I need to yell at Him, cry, scream, pout, stomp, ask allllll the questions and really let Him have it. And honestly, if we only talk to Him when everything is exactly as our little hearts prefer, it would be a pretty lonely relationship.
So “P+$$ off!” shame, entitlement, guilt and logic! I have a meeting with Jesus and things are about to get ugly. I get to rail to the most amazing and loving HR department ever. He fights for me harder than Bono does for Africa and He’s so strong that we don’t even have a word for it, ya’ll.
Here’s what I KNOW, and since I am a Jesus Girl, I KNOW that I know that I know this is true:
20 Now to the God who can do so many awe-inspiring things, immeasurable things, things greater than we ever could ask or imagine through the power at work in us… Ephesians 3:20 VOICE
The Truth is that He’s still working things for good for me. All things, but I’m not ready to reconcile this just yet, and you know what?
Jesus loves me anyway.